Ho Ho Ho

Gearing up for the holidays is never easy when you do not have money. However, I have found that lowering my expectations and truly enjoying the smallest most simplest things fills me up. For instance, this am, I watched the birds on the feeders for a full hour. Coffee in hand I watched as they lined up for a chance to stuff themselves. It reminds me of planes lined up on a tarmac waiting for their turn to take off.

The other part of the holidays that is hard is the week between Christmas and New Years. It is the week that my Mom died of an asthma attack. No matter how many years go by-12 this year-it feels raw and sad.

I will muddle through for the sake of my son. It is important for me to show him the delight in the season. Just this morning, around 6:30am, the clouds cleared enough to allow the full moon to shine down from the eastern sky. He and I stood in amazement at how incredibly bright it looked and talked about the lunar eclipse. I was able to show him with a bowl, a Clementine and a small round sucker why/how the lunar eclipse happens. He thinks I am the smartest person EVER and that in and of itself is the greatest gift I could hope for.

Merry Christmas, Happy Solstice, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, and any other I may have missed. Most of all, peace and joy and health to you and yours.

***SIGH***

Maybe it is my age, but if you are giving a group presentation-which means standing up in front of the class and lecturing on your research, how do you present yourself?

Well, let me just tell you that i wish I could have taken pictures! T-shirts, shorts and flip flops were the norm and most appropriate of what I witnessed. I had a hard time not snorting to stifle my laughter when one poor thing stood there in her hoodie, bad eyeliner, baggy nylon gym shorts that she had rolled the waist down on for some reason and mid-calf fake UGGS. Oh my goodness, I so wanted to put a full length mirror in front of her!

Also, how do you not just out loud say, "oh you poor thing" to another who was lecturing on The Papyrus Egerton as she informs us that "it was named for the guy who discovered it who was either Papyrus or Egerton." Again, I almost snorted.

yes, being a non-trad has some very humorous moments.

More later.

Fall Break

I am 2 classes away from my first official break. I have one midterm to complete over break and one more to take after break. All in all I am having a great journey through academia. I have come to the conclusion that the next four years ARE about the journey and I am not going to worry so much about my GPA.

I find myself having to bite my tongue often in class. AND I am also having to not CONSTANTLY raise my hand-even though I know the answer the Prof is looking for...I find myself smiling and nodding and being at peace with what I know and don't know. Oh the wisdom of age!

Stuff Envrionmental Studies Guys Like

1. Talking about the kind of bread they are currently baking.

Wow, that cool organic cotton knit hat must really come in handy when you need to keep that unwashed hair of yours out of the dough! And you are lame if you haven't come up with a way to get the best gluten free loaf to rise!

I am so tired of this "look"...hippies are not new and until you actually have to fend for yourself, I guess baking bread will seem like a big deal.

Just saying.....

Really? Act out part of Medea?

I knew that at some point I would feel very silly amongst all the young adults at college, but I thought that maybe it wouldn't happen until I have to complete my PE credit!

Alas, today, in the middle of campus, our Paideia prof gave us each a mask and we had to perform-as a group-a selection from Euripides Medea. Don't get me wrong, if were my family around and we had a couple of glasses of wine in us, well, look out! Hell, I would even don a toga for that! But being an over dramatic fun forty something with a bunch of twits is just plain embarrassing.

I better get ALL the points possible for class participation, dammit!

Religion Paper I - DONE!

I had to write a four page paper summarizing and assessing (a favorite word for meek woman) the book What They Are Saying About The Formation of Israel. Well, let me tell you in one word - NOTHING!

The book was written in 1960 mind you and most of the arguments end up with the same conclusion-that MORE EVIDENCE IS NEEDED TO DECIDE...really? 100 pages of reading all the arguments for and against and you come with I DON'T KNOW???

That in nutshell is why I am a militant Agnostic-I DON'T KNOW AND YOU DON'T EITHER!

Yup, lovin' school and lovin' the fact that I am pretty much DONE for the week as far as "things due" go...

I will let you know how my papers were received when I know. Now I MUST finish my glass of delicious red wine from the Columbia River Valley, A 2004 Gordon Brothers Tradition. Very good.

College

What in the hell was I thinking!

I am officially a first year student at Luther College and officially old enough to be my classmates' mother and my professors' peer.

I am being challenged-mostly to keep my mouth shut and to LISTEN. I am trying to LEARN...but if you know anything about me (or the family that raised me)...you know that NOT voicing my opinion is like a devout Catholic NOT having a St. Christopher hanging from the rear-view mirror. Almost impossible and downright SACRILEGES!

I have not been challenged in my intellect-sans the NYT crossword-in quite some time and am looking forward to the next four years. I will do my best to keep my blogging up as to my experience. If any of you would like to review my papers, well step right up!!! I am in need of some fresh eyes-THANKS!

Because Toilet Paper Should NOT be NAKED?

Why? Why? Why? If the spare roll is THAT embarrassing to have out, try putting it under the sink or in a drawer or in the closet. Has anyone EVER taken the spare roll from under one of these covers? The same folks that use these never light candles and leave the labels on the "nice candles." They also have matching guest towels that are scratchy and have a dusty fold line because they have NEVER been washed. AND the their toilet water is always blue. You know who I am talking about...we all know at least one.

Went on a wonderful walk along the Upper Iowa River today. The homestead pictured belongs to friends of mine and they have a great trail around the property. The boys (mine and my friend's two) had a great time and so did I!

We saw so many signs of activity of beavers, but did not see a dam. We also spotted 4 eagles, geese, wood ducks and many song birds. Even though there was not sunshine, being outside for a couple of hours was refreshing.

Bike Riding Rocks!

Went for a nice ride today with my 8 year old. He has a no speed bike and he kicked my ass! He commented how good biking is for me and let me tell you, it was truly motivating.

I learned today that I do not need to go FAST-but just simply pedal and enjoy the scenic view go by.

Tomorrow is my 44th birthday-I think I will go for a nice long bike ride again. Maybe if I put enough miles in by July, I would be able to ride a little of Ragbrai? Mmm, did I just participate unknowingly in goal setting? Mwahahhahaha.

Shattered Mirrors

i will turn to meet my destiny,
reflected in shattered mirrors.
heart broken open,
i will pick up the pieces
no matter how sharp
to reflect
what is neglected
in dark corners,
wounded, light deprived,
with prayerful hands i'll
recycle devastation to
nourish new life.
art, like gardening,
is an act of faith and healing,
shining for the world.
as Mystery's greater
than the sum of all suffering,
i will trust to Love.

-Mimi Foyle 2008

Walking In Sunshine

We had our annual Blues Sunday yesterday at the UU. A great Klezmer group played blues from another culture. The music was somber and uplifting at the same time. During the last song, some folks got up and danced up and down the aisle-old, young, middle-age-it was a beautiful sight. I had walked to church and on my way home I cried. I cried for many reasons...
I cried for the music I had the pleasure of hearing and for the community of my UUers.
I cried for my ex-partner and feel sad that he once experienced an alternative view of the world with me and is missing out on so much. I cried because I miss walking arm-in-arm with him. I miss my parents and all of their wisdom and love. I miss my innocence.
I miss our big, extended family get-togethers. I cried for my friend who is facing a summer of chemotherapy and healing. And finally I cried because it was so beautiful outside and the sun felt so good and it was exactly what I needed.
I ended my day with a cup of tea and a book while sitting on my west facing deck taking in all that the sun had to offer.

One Good Rant

Okay, winter, enough already! It is suppose to drop to 6 below zero tonight and maybe only get to 19 tomorrow??? I can't take it anymore-I need sunshine and warmth. I am already depressed, lonely, and have nothing coming up to look forward to. My close girlfriend was just diagnosed with breast cancer, the partner I thought was in it with me for the long haul bails and I am just flat out tired of it all.
I am tired of having to be strong. I am tired of being the only parent in my sons life-not to say I don't adore him, but-I am tired of doing the homework, brushing teeth, reading bedtime stories, getting him to bed, getting him up, getting him on the bus, doing the laundry, shoveling the driveway, taking the garbage out, cleaning the house, fixing anything that breaks, grocery shopping, taking the car in for oil changes, making the beds, vacuuming, recycling, feeding the dog, going to work to make ends meet, paying the bills and then starting all over again the next day.
I know, I know, get in line, right?? But dammit, I would just like there to be somebody at the end of day that is there to say, "I love you, honey and you make my world worth living. Let's grow old together, okay?"

Beautiful Morning

The large flakes of snow are coming at a fairly rapid pace this morning. My mom always used to say that when the flakes got larger, the snow was about done. I am not so sure anymore...maybe it was just her way of making me watch the snow more closely.

I am planning my vegetable garden today. I am thinking carrots, kale, lettuce, zucchini, watermelon (for Rex), acorn squash, cucumbers, pumpkins, tomatoes (a couple of varieties), green beans, basil, flat leaf parsley, red peppers, and maybe a pea variety-oh and chives. My ex in-laws have a nice rototiller and have offered to turn up my plots-one of which is an old bed and has been used for compost. My plan is to lay down flour bags (the 50 lb double layered paper ones from the bakery where I work)that have been cut open. I will mulch over the top of all and cut through it where I want to plant. This way I can create nice walking paths between the two sides of the bed. The cukes, squash, zucchini, melons, and pumpkins will be planted in mounds of straw. Only one of each plant. The tomatoes are being hung in 5 gallon buckets from an old clothesline t-bar. (MNmom gave me this idea!)

I hope to be able to paste many pictures of this endeavor and that this all goes as planned-if not, well I will learn some for next year!

Spring is Coming!

You know that smell of Spring? Well, even though it is still cold out-I swear I smelled Spring in the air today. Spring in my step-indeed! I breathed it in with every breath as I walked through the woods. The river was rippling a little louder, too-begging for canoes and kayaks.

I had said on my facebook post that one of my chickens had hopped out of the coop and yesterday when I got home, ALL OF THE CHICKENS were out and wandering about in driveway. Like them, I cannot wait for the snow to be gone. I am also looking so forward to lighting the fire rings and having a WELCOME SPRING party. Music, wine, good food, hot fires, mmmmm.

Keeping me busy this weekend:
Planning the vegetable garden-LOVE that Seed Savers Exchange is just north of town!
"Lessons from Cancer College" A play written by my friend Prof. Nancy Barry about her year of chemo and cancer and teaching. Being performed by Kristin Underwood at ArtHaus in Decorah.
Dinner with friends on Saturday night.

Yeahhhh....let the weekend begin!

Newest Depot Outlet Find

The second hand store in my hometown is called The Depot Outlet (it got its start in the old train depot). Anyway, most items cost anywhere from $.25 to $2.00. One time I spent $20 on one item-but it was an original Dale of Norway wool sweater for my son.

Well, to make a long blog short, I found an ORIGINAL pair of Bastad clogs in my size today. I had to pay $.50 for them! They are in perfect condition. The bottoms look like they might have been worn only to Lutheran Church functions (clean floors).

LOVE that the local Norwegians are parting with their fine wares.

Clearing and Cleaning

I rearranged my bedroom last evening. Vacuumed every corner, dusted every surface, flipped the mattress and then brought in the sage for a spiritual cleansing. Still, I miss him. Poo. Time will heal this wound and I am looking forward to moving on-even though it seems impossible right now.

I found some lovely sheer white curtains at the local second hand store for the windows. They allow the light and the view in-but add a certain romance to the room. I never thought I would like sheers. Alas, you never stop learning things about yourself.

I will post a picture once I decide where I want my artwork. I might even paint the room. Any suggestions? I love the creamy white it is right now, but thinking that a fresh coat of color might be the ticket. The room is in the northeast corner of the house.

I am trying to find more work right now. I have placed my name on the website www.welcomeindecorah.com as a wedding planner. I am hoping to drum up a few gigs from this. And hoping to be rehired as the Director of the 2nd Annual Oneota Film Festival (www.oneotafilmfestival.org). The first film festival was a success-so keep you fingers crossed.

For the Madame of Funny Leather Shorts

I read a post on FB from a fellow blogger about how nobody seems to be updating their blogs anymore. Well, I thought about this and decided she was right. I am going to make every effort to keep my blog current.

For starters, let me tell you that my "Farmville" (read a few chickens and the wild birds)have been keeping me quite busy these days. I am currently getting three eggs every 30 hours-give or take. Two are greenish/blue and one brown. They are tasty, but I am looking forward to Spring when the hens will be free-ranging and their diet will become more diverse. As for the wild birds, they have gone through 50 lbs of feed in a little over 2 weeks. I am getting a wide variety-as the seed bag promised. To name a few; house and gold finches, blue jays, cardinals, rose-breasted nuthatch, downy, hairy, and red-bellied woodpeckers, junco, tree sparrow, and of course the chickadee. So much fun.

Speaking of free range, I am having a massage today at my house by a woman who calls her business, "Free Range Massage." Clever, I think. I will let you know just how wonderful it is on my next post.
For now, stay warm and remember that winter will be over, soon.

What is Grace?

So, my S.O. and I have broken off our relationship. I know it is for the best-as does he. Unfortunately, it had been the most incredible, most powerful, most sincere relationship I have ever experienced in my life. How does one go on from this?? How do you pick up the pieces and move forward? I would take this man back in a heartbeat if he were willing to be "all in" all the time, but how long does one wait for that to happen?? He has an entire OTHER life when he is not with me. It is so hard to be in this state of flux-the unknown, between trapeze bars...I love this man deeply with sincerity, but maybe it is just not our season. So hard.

So, with all that said, I am moving forward with new goals. And, I am opening myself to the possibility that all is perfect and all will be fine. Man, I am a good catch! Trying very hard to remember that and to live with grace and love in my heart always.

Good bye, Eddie Bruce. I love you.

Raptor Day

Today I scared away a Cooper's Hawk on my way to open the chicken coop. The darn thing was perched under the lean-to of the barn where the pigeon loft is located-smart bird. What I didn't know is that one of my landlady's quail was dead in the loft. When she went out to clean up this morning she came running back to the house shouting, "The Cooper's hawk is trapped in the pigeon loft." She is a licensed falconer and had been wanting to trap a Cooper's hawk for some time. Anyway, the pictures tell the story. It was just such a cool thing to be present to this moment today. The first picture is of my backyard area where the hawks perch-usually in the last poplar tree. I love my life!

New Year, New Paint, New Attitude, New Work

It was a great start to 2010. My S.O. came for a visit and stayed 4 nights. He did a great taping/painting job on my new office and the living room in "ambitious amber."

I read a wonderful horoscope that predicted that 2010 would be my year...I am sure one could interpret it differently, but why would I do that?? Anyway, it said to declutter my spaces-emotional, mental, and physical. So, I started with my home office.

The only new item that I purchased for the re-do was the paint. Curtains($3), rug($2),and art (.50 per framed piece, .10 per basket) all came from The Depot (my town's locally operated Good Will). I am so pleased with the result.

And, thanks to my S.O. who helped me follow through with my vision.

View out my office window.

Fabulous 70's curtains that inspired my room.


View as you come in.